Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
