The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
