Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
