Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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