Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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