hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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