So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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