I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
