i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
