Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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