No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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