happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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