She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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