I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
