i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
