Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
