apparently the secret to your success is patron
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
