Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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