im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
