I CAN MOONWALK!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
