went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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