i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
