Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
