ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
