I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
