Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
