So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
