The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
