did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
