Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
