I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
