Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
