Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
