Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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