I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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