There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
