and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The best revenge is premature balding
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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