Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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