Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this will be a night to untag.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
