Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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