My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
