I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He has the fingertips of a God
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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