I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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