my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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