He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We need to get me chipped asap
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
