i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
