Four minutes until I can fart!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
