how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
