...so i touched it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
