you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
