So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
