Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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